It was betrayal of a friend that I really loved dearly. Quite honestly, It wasn't entirely her fault. I had my part of fair blame. This friend and I hung out together a lot, our friendship was new but to me it felt like I had known her for ever. During our course of friendship, we had shared so many things with each other. I shared past hurts from family with her and deep thoughts that went on in my head too. She also did, she shared her fears with me and I felt it was a beautiful and strong friendship.
But I made a big mistake. It wasn't a mistake of trusting too soon. It was far from that. I talked very carelessly with her. We had a mutual friend, who I really did like. There were certain things she did that I didn't agree with at the time, I judged some of her decisions poorly without understanding them at all. I mean who am I to judge anyone? So I spoke about some of these things with friend A, lets call her that. Friend A totally agreed with me and that was it. A careless conversation that should never have happened. Read here
My friendship with friend A soon fizzled out, I don't really know why. I tried my best to pursue the friendship, but it just didn't quite work out.
Well, friend A and B got closer in their friendship and friend A decided I wasn't a good friend to Friend B and narrated our entire conversation to her.
During this period, friend B's friendship with me became quite forced, I wondered what it was but I just decided to carry on. I never thought that friend A had anything to do with it, there were times I worried friend B was a little strange but I never thought much of it.
A while later friend B opened up to me and told me what had happened. I was gutted and decided that it would be best, all three of us sat and ironed things out.
The story went downhill from there, It wasn't as if I wasn't guilty of saying what ever it was, I was guilty of a number of things, but the things I said had been retold maliciously and Friend B was understandably disappointed.
There was no amount of apologizing, maybe denying, or explaining.
It was bad and it really couldn't be fixed. There were some things I felt that were told out of context but that is secondary, As a christian woman, I had no reason to say them at all. Our families had become involved and of course it filtered into our homes. Read here
I thought that I had been down and empty before, this was a different spectrum.
I was drained, I couldn't pray, I couldn't function, but the Lord saved me.
I had prayer warriors around me, as I shared my disappointment with myself, my hurt and my grief with them, they counselled me and they prayed for me. There was a release in my spirit and I became free. It was a long journey but I made it. You see whoever the Lord sets free, He sets free indeed.
There was a lifting. An unbelievable lifting. So I decided to draw closer to the lord, I told the lord everything. How I felt, my grief and my shame and He began to give me rest. Read here
One day He spoke to me, He told me for all your shame, I will give you double honor, I asked Him, I said "But why lord? You know my heart, why did this have to happen to me?"
First to teach me a lesson- He told me. He reminded me that when words are many, transgression is not lacking in it. So I had to learn the power of quiet lips.
He told me that most importantly, what was meant for evil, He would turn around for my good, that the enemy thought he could kill, steal and destroy my joy because of my unique personality and fervour for the Lord. The Lord turned that deed by friend A into a testimony becase of a truth I was crushed but the Lord revived me. My testimony also by Gods grace will bless others to the glory of God and shame of the devil. Read here
I realized then that, it was when I was down on my knees and called on to His name, that He healed me and began to show me great and mighty things. It was a period that I kept to myself in order to find myself in God.
I cut out unnecessary socialization and sought God out. I prayed and studied the word more, the more I did, the stronger I became spiritually and physically. The lord washed away all my sadness, for all the ashes I was covered in' He gave me beauty. Read here and again here
In fact there was one day my husband held my hands and said "baby you are like fine wine?" I looked at him confused because this man is not a drinker. He said "you're like fine wine because you're getting prettier with age" That was a good one- only that I knew where that beauty and radiance was coming from. It wasn't from getting older, It came from my maker, my beautifier, the King of kings Himself.
One of the things the lord directed me to do was; First, to pray for forgiveness. That friend B forgives me no matter if she wasn't entirely a good friend to me herself.
Two, that I truly forgive friend A and ask for a heart to love her even more than I did before.
Boy! that was hard, but I did it. The more I did, the more healing flowed into me.
Thirdly He did something for me through someone, a friend who is like a mentor to me suddenly got in touch with me without knowing any of what I was going through at the time, she blessed me with a book- The Anatomy of Peace.
This book entirely changed my life and re-organised the thoughts in my head based on the hurt I was going through. (It is a must read)
The lord also asked me to begin to pray for godly associations, I began to pray for that. Shortly after that I was invited to join a prayer ministry.
The blessings that He has brought my way by just being down on my knees to Him are innumerable.
Who do you go to when you are down on your knees and you can't go on? You need The Healer.
You need to surround yourself with godly women who will stand in the gap for you when your mouth is heavy with your cries, who will be honest with you and correct you in love when you stumble.
My friendship with friend A and B has changed, and I can't say I miss our friendship, I just ache for what could have been. We could have been a bunch of God loving friends who supported each other, prayed together and grown together. God has filled those aching parts with His love.
When the devil reminds me of what name friend A gave me, He constantly reminds me that I am not a failure, that I am good, kind, wonderful, beautiful, loving and righteous because Jesus lives in me.
He also told me that He sees friend A the same way, He sees her as beautiful, special, kind and wonderful and to never look at her through the eyes of the enemy.
He told me He loves her more than I can imagine and I should never for a second doubt that.
He also surrounded me with people who see the good, beauty and love and appreciate what God has deposited in me to give, and I can still give despite my hurt from this friendship.
And I will keep giving because I own nothing yet everything in Christ Jesus. If I can rise, so can you.
Today let go of your past hurts, get up, get up from your thinking corner and get on your knees, go down on your knees and go to your Way Maker. Let Him begin to restore and mend your btoken heart. I pray healing for you through our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen..
If my people humble themselves and pray, then I will hear and I will heal. 2nd Chronicles 7:14
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