Is your son a Proper Gentleman?

Have you had one of those days where your son totally refuses to cooperate with you? Worse still, behaves like a completely different kid around guests, leaving you speechless and embarrassed. Have you had one of those days yet, when he completely disobeys you, yells at you and treats kids his age really badly that all you want to do is send him to his room for a week? This is the right article for you. You are now on your way to raising a proper gentleman.
Truth is raising well mannered kids is no easy feat, however it is doable. All you need is consistency and copious amounts of patience. Even flowers do not blossom overnight.
Here are some helpful tips on raising a gentleman and a son that every parent wants theirs to act like.

First on the list is:
Examine your expectations: Your 2 year old in not likely to fully grasp the concept of sharing. At this stage you should understand your child's personality and know what works for certain circumstances. If your child is struggling with sharing while he is playing with another friend, you can distract him with another toy. Re-introduce the toy after both children get a turn. Do not pressurize your child into sharing at a young age as the concept is not clear and cannot be fully grasped. Encourage your son to say please and thank you from age one. It builds delightful manners and is more likely to stick with them for life. Consistency is key, so is modelling the attitude you want your children to have.

Encourage Compassion and Empathy:
When you teach your child to consider another's view before his own, you are teaching him principles that will shape his mindset for the rest of his life positively. First, teach him to put himself in another persons position and ask him how he would feel if tables were turned. Practice together always and incorporate this idea into every day activities. For example when watching movies together, ask him, "how do you think the monkey felt when the lion took his banana?" Teach him that a gentleman always stands up for his friends and leaves people better than he met them, by having a good attitude towards them and respecting them at all times.

Teach them to listen, compliment more and brag less: Yes we know kids like to show off their new toy racing cars, but you should teach them to also compliment their friends on their toys, and not say "mine is better than yours." Re-inforce compassion and empathy while teaching this to your sons, asking them how they feel when someone makes them feel less special. Teach them to also listen to their friend's opinions and respect their views. Disagreeing is fine but the manner in which they disagree is important. They should learn to share their opinions and views in a respectful manner. Listening is very essential to keeping friends at all ages and stages because people want to feel heard and listened to, not brushed aside.

Teach them the art of Confidence: When children are taught to smile and connect with people by looking at their eyes, It boosts their confidence and also translates that to others. Remind your son to walk into a room and connect with others by smiling at them. If there's a kid sitting by himself, tell your son to go say hello and talk to him. Encourage your son to use social thinking skills to figure out how other people are feeling. Explain the value of smiling, especially if he's shy. Smiles cheer up a room, make everything easier and it also boosts moods.
Eye contact expresses sincerity and honesty. It fosters bonding between two people and also helps build self-confidence. If looking someone in the eye is too daunting for your child, teach him to look at the nose. You can't tell and it's not as scary. Most boys giggle when you suggest looking at someone's nose, so it's a great way to teach a critical social skill that lasts a lifetime.

Multi-touch messages: Boys often respond less to words alone than girls. When teaching gentleman-like behaviors,communicate with three senses (sight, touch, sound) to get your message across. For example, if your son always tosses his shoes into the family room, try this multi-sensory method:
Get down at his level and look him in the eye.
Gently hold both shoulders.
Say, "I want you to place your shoes in your room."
Use this technique anywhere - at a friend's house, restaurant, grocery store - to reinforce and repeat etiquette lessons.

Act now: Little kids forget requests to act responsibly within seconds. It's important to have them do tasks right away and then reward them with nice words. Plus, the memory center in boys develops later than girls, so your notion of how responsibility is handled should be different. For example, When you ask your son to move his trucks out of the living room, have him do it right away so the memory of the request matches the action. Or, do it together to model how to take care of your belongings and explain out loud why you put toys away at the end of the day.

Practice at home. Practice table manners and chivalry at home, such as complimenting the cook, burping quietly with your mouth closed and writing thank you notes, so your son knows what to do when he is on his own. "Teaching your boy to be a gentleman gives him the skills to build and strengthen relationships with family, teachers and friends, and helps him in day-to-day life. This develops self- confidence because your son will go into all situations, from eating at a friend's house to going on a job interview (later in life), knowing what's expected of him. He won't sit there wondering what to do, which dissolves self-confidence. He'll have an improved image and it will give him an edge in life.

If you stick to this tips, you will raise a well mannered boy and these lessons will grow up with him into adolescence and adult hood. The best time to act is now and not in the future when it might be too late.

5 Books for Boys on Their Way to Being a Gentleman.

"Emily Post's Table Manners for Kids" by Peggy Post and Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D. Great nuts and bolts lessons on table manners and refresher course for grown-ups.
"What Do You Say, Dear?" by Sesyle Joslin and Maurice Sendak. Hilarious lessons on proper etiquette.
"The Berenstain Bears Say Please and Thank You" by Jan and Mike Berenstain. Classic book for understanding basic manners and getting along with others.
"Not Me!" by Nicola Killen. Adorable and beautifully illustrated story for teaching responsibility.
"Leonardo, the Terrible Monster," by Mo Willems. Creative, silly picture book about a boy learning empathy.

Culled from How to develop good manners, empathy, responsibility and kindness in boys by
Sara Eberle.